The Bespoken: For Gentlemen

Kiss My Asphalt

                                                                       

 

 

New York City, with its concrete skyscrapers, might on first glance seem over populated, over built and over mechanized. In truth, New York City is one of America’s “greenest” cities in the world today. Buildings are green, New Yorkers tend to walk to work and the grocery store or take mass transit, and New Yorkers are great recyclers. The average New Yorker produces the equivalent of 7.5 tons of carbon emissions to the 25.5 produced by other Americans. Crimmany, that still seems appallingly high, I don’t even have a driver’s license or smoke.

In a novel experiment, Broadway/Times Square, one of the densest populated portions of the city (which is visited by more than 350,000 people who throng the area daily to gawk at the LED billboards, pick up discount tickets for Broadway and shop at Toys R Us, the M&M Candy Store, and Planet Hollywood), is being given a reprieve--there’s no more traffic. It’s gone! Mayor Bloomberg has closed off the street to all traffic, as in not a cab in sight. Automobiles are “compass non-gratis," strictly not welcome. The traffic has all been diverted to other avenues and streets. The sidewalks, which are usually crammed with humanity, as cabs, cars, buses and trucks clamored for space on the most famous thoroughfare in the world, are now so wide open you could do a waltz, and not bump into a pick-pocket. You can stroll on the street and not even have to look both ways before crossing.

Exhausted tourists and natives in need of a place to unwind can linger and contemplate the barrage of billboards, advertising Good Morning America and Mamma Mia. A boon to street performers, you might even be serenaded by the infamous Naked Cowboy, (he’s not really naked, he wears a thong and cowboy boots). Office workers can brown bag it at lunchtime and catch some rays. Replacing all the gridlock are outdoor lawn chairs, creating a vacuous backyard--America’s backyard? Well the closest thing to a backyard we get here in New York City.

Granted, there are no fountains, no sculpture, no planters, just asphalt and lawn chairs. It’s sort of like relaxing in a “huge” (Paris Hilton’s new favorite word) parking lot. Presumably, if this urban Valhalla experiment works, those things will come. In the interim, it is a lawn chair only policy. Actually, these particular chairs are temporary and were purchased for $10.74 each, at a local hardware store (stock up!). Many of the original 350 are already starting to sag and show signs of overuse. In a strange, unexplained twist of urban planning, people all seem to sit in the same direction, looking uptown, like they're waiting for a movie to begin--or the mothership to land. It’s a little freaky.

This green experiment is meeting mixed reviews, but I’m all for anything that promotes eco-consciousness. I look forward to the day when traffic is completely passé, and the streets become one great park, marrying retail and business to the outdoors. Trees and flowers are always prettier than a Buick or diesel truck.

Courtesy of www.retaildesigndiva.com where it appeared on June 23, 2009

                                                                       

 

 

New York City, with its concrete skyscrapers, might on first glance seem over populated, over built and over mechanized. In truth, New York City is one of America’s “greenest” cities in the world today. Buildings are green, New Yorkers tend to walk to work and the grocery store or take mass transit, and New Yorkers are great recyclers. The average New Yorker produces the equivalent of 7.5 tons of carbon emissions to the 25.5 produced by other Americans. Crimmany, that still seems appallingly high, I don’t even have a driver’s license or smoke.

In a novel experiment, Broadway/Times Square, one of the densest populated portions of the city (which is visited by more than 350,000 people who throng the area daily to gawk at the LED billboards, pick up discount tickets for Broadway and shop at Toys R Us, the M&M Candy Store, and Planet Hollywood), is being given a reprieve--there’s no more traffic. It’s gone! Mayor Bloomberg has closed off the street to all traffic, as in not a cab in sight. Automobiles are “compass non-gratis," strictly not welcome. The traffic has all been diverted to other avenues and streets. The sidewalks, which are usually crammed with humanity, as cabs, cars, buses and trucks clamored for space on the most famous thoroughfare in the world, are now so wide open you could do a waltz, and not bump into a pick-pocket. You can stroll on the street and not even have to look both ways before crossing.

Exhausted tourists and natives in need of a place to unwind can linger and contemplate the barrage of billboards, advertising Good Morning America and Mamma Mia. A boon to street performers, you might even be serenaded by the infamous Naked Cowboy, (he’s not really naked, he wears a thong and cowboy boots). Office workers can brown bag it at lunchtime and catch some rays. Replacing all the gridlock are outdoor lawn chairs, creating a vacuous backyard--America’s backyard? Well the closest thing to a backyard we get here in New York City.

Granted, there are no fountains, no sculpture, no planters, just asphalt and lawn chairs. It’s sort of like relaxing in a “huge” (Paris Hilton’s new favorite word) parking lot. Presumably, if this urban Valhalla experiment works, those things will come. In the interim, it is a lawn chair only policy. Actually, these particular chairs are temporary and were purchased for $10.74 each, at a local hardware store (stock up!). Many of the original 350 are already starting to sag and show signs of overuse. In a strange, unexplained twist of urban planning, people all seem to sit in the same direction, looking uptown, like they're waiting for a movie to begin--or the mothership to land. It’s a little freaky.

This green experiment is meeting mixed reviews, but I’m all for anything that promotes eco-consciousness. I look forward to the day when traffic is completely passé, and the streets become one great park, marrying retail and business to the outdoors. Trees and flowers are always prettier than a Buick or diesel truck.

Courtesy of www.retaildesigndiva.com where it appeared on June 23, 2009

Great Minds Think Alike

There are always trends emerging in Visual Merchandising that can be spotted at some of America’s best retailers. Is there a conspiracy? Are they copying one another? Hardly. They each carry the theme off with their own distinctive voices, but the trends tell us what some of America’s most creative minds are thinking about. Window displays therefore become sort of a Rorschach test of the culture. Here are a few themes that I have spotted recently…

 

Reflexion: mirror, Mylar and glass seem almost everywhere these days. It doubles the merchandise in the window. It draws customers who peer in to check themselves out. Narcissists or not, we all need to fix our hair. Do any us dress as nicely as Prada or Versace? Reflexion brings glamorous or poetic exteriors from across the street directly into the retailer’s windows. A world that is ever moving. Here is Versace’s mirrored wall, and arched ceilings, which creates a 360-degree world. Then we have Cavalli’s chrome plated males, perhaps automaton’s, formidable, but the Cavalli clothing slides on like snakeskin.

 

 

 

Beautiful Clutter: one of my favorite trends, done here by two of my favorite retailers, Anthropologie and Barny's . It’s poetic, deconstructionist, and creates a sense of magic. Not easily carried off, both retailers find familiar or common objects and place them together to create whimsy and nostalgia. Passers-by can spend hours trying to absorb the complexities. Anthropologie made a beautiful tableau of bright yellow roses from the tops of plastic water and soda bottles. It’s beautifully clever and feeds into the idea of recycling and eco-consciousness. I didn’t buy the ones at the store, but I think it will make a great Christmas ornament or Easter basket present. A mat knife and a can of spray paint, and you’re ready to go. Very clever. Barneys created elaborate headdresses from related objects. It is Ziegfeldian in scope. The headdresses are so fascinating that you’ll note I was more interested in the display than the merchandise. Themes included old toys, clocks, red China and aluminum kitchen gadgets. I loved it!

  
The Eyes Have It: simple, but effective, large attractive graphics that feature eyes seem to capture our attention, often used with headless mannequins it seems to give the forms a real personality. On the other hand, maybe it’s the retailer’s way of saying we’re looking at you too. Here is Benetton, Esprit and Lacoste's take on it.

  

  

  

Watered Down: it’s been a rainy summer, and adding to the deluge, is a preponderance of watered inspired windows, There’s Juicy Couture’s self-titled “Culture Catch” with an ice blue filter, which places the first five feet of the store under water. The window had mannequins in wet suits with flippers and a seated female in a giant clam shell. It’s clever. I loved Tiffany’s fish tank windows with bubbling filtered water, gems and pearls were delicately strewn over beautifully composed mirrored coral. It’s such a great display that it begs the question, why keep your jewelry tucked away in a box, when your tropical fish might enjoy them too. Diesel had it raining in a constant stream, only the clothing never got wet. A fun window especially when it was pouring and we were getting soaked. The greatest nod to water came from Saks, who lined up bright yellow plastic tanks indicating what the typical American uses up in a day. Beautifully framed photos of people in third world countries drinking unsanitary water sharpened the point of the importance of water, something we tend to take for granted. It was a remarkable and socially aggatitative window that challenged passers by and required sensitivity. Kudos to the retailer who takes risks and educates the customer.

 

Man Ray: Okay, this isn’t a trend, but it should be. Bergdorf Goodman’s shows that you don’t need a huge plate glass window to make a lot of impact. With a simple plaster sculpture, Bergdorf Goodman’s replicated the classic Man Ran photograph of a woman with a cello f-hole (I know that sounds dirty, but it's really what they're called)tatoo. Feminine and covert are only two adjectives frequently used to describe Man’s Rays classic. Bergdorf’s homage would inspire even the most jaded Dadaist. One word… BRILLIANT!

 

 

Photography: Diesel created one of this years most ponderous windows with illustrated art, scientific photographs, some macabre, some innocuous. Dropped into the window from above was an isolated framed out cube with a merchandised watch. What did it mean? No one could agree, but it got people to stop and discuss. Kudos! Bergdorf Goodman used old-fashioned stereoscopic photographs from the 1920’s to great effect. It was vintage, kitschy and smart.

   

   

Hot Colors: Mark Jacobs on Bleeker Street sprayed their mannequins in hot neon colors and taped the forms directly to the wall with bright colored painters tape. No merchandise, just color. The message: it’s all about color. Armani Exchange, Barney's, Saks and Bergdorf Goodman's have been heavily promoting strong color for men. Will guys be wear fire-engine orange slacks, hot pink suits or phosphorescent yellow shirts, you be the judge.

 

   

Really Big Shoe: Shoes and boots are prominently featured in windows. Footwear has become an important note in completing the male silhouette. Footwear is front and forward. The toes remain elongated, the heels are chunky 1’ or more, mostly black, and create a dominate note to traditional attire. Sexy.

Comic Opera and Hot Coco

Coco Channel is hotter than a cup of “Swiss Miss”. Following Chanel's recent forays into cinema, which have focused on its complicated founder, Coco Chanel, (bless you, Shirley Maclaine and Lifetime). Chanel clothing has been ubiquitous on the big screen recently, from Jan Kounen's, Festival de Cannes closing-night title, "Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky", to Audrey Tautou’s starring role in "Coco, Before Chanel." Now the label's Creative Director, Karl Lagerfeld is getting in on the silver screen act, or at least his voice is.

Lagerfeld who is perhaps one of the world’s undisputed greatest designers in the world today is lending his authoritative, if not menacing, Germanic voice to “Totally Spies!” the popular animated series about three typical high school girls in California who become secret agents, and crime fighting super heroes. Do not roll your eyes, it may sound ludicrous, but the Governor is “The Terminator“. These girls kick fashion butt!

Karl Lagerfeld will play, “Fabu“, as in “fabu-lous“, (insert finger snap) the bad guy, that the three girls must defeat. It is a first for the fashion king, and is giving fashion loving annimeniac’s a reason to head to the multi-plex in July. The film will open in France, and be released in the US in September. You can bet you little black dress that the opportunities to merchandise Chanel to the tween market have been contemplated.

Now the last time I tuned into the Cartoon Network, Beavis was beating up Butthead, however, I understand from speaking to several young girls that the series is hugely popular, and been on the air for years.

Here is the gist,” Totally Spies” is about three sexy teenaged super spies from Beverly Hills, California (groovy local, very 90210) Clover, Sam, and Alex. They secretly fight international crime with special gadgets supplied by their boss, Jerry, who is the leader of the secret World Organization Of Human Protection (WOOHP) agency. The spies are usually teleported to his office through secret tunnels, or holes, a phenomenon described in the show as "WOOHPing". In Jerry's office, the spies are briefed on their missions, and occasionally are informed on relatively minor personal issues, like boys. It is not easy being a teenager these days. They must balance their missions with their day-to-day lives, maintaining their secret identities in high school (seasons 1-4), and college (season 5). The kids I spoke to saw no comparison to “Hannah Montana” or “Spy Kids“ but then again, none of those kids ever heard of “Charlie’s Angels.”

The series uses elements of Japanese animation style, the characters are drawn with big, dramatic eyes, and that generic Barbie doll body template. Anime motifs are used, sometimes excessively, such as the sweat drop, the crossed vein, and extreme facial expressions. Due to the shjo motif, and the use of anime gags, some viewers have considered the series as an American anime, even though it is made in France. But, hey the same mistake is made of Chanel.

Most reviews for the series are positive. The show has won all kinds of international awards, and in 2004 it was Cartoon Network's second highest rated show. The show is popular among girls and (surprise here) boys, in fact there is a 50% boy’s, 50% girl’s audience ratio. A whole range of merchandising is saturating the market, with “Totally Spies!” stationary, dolls, DVDs, computer games, quilt covers, and even costumes. McDonalds also had their own “Totally Spies!” merchandising, having “Totally Spies” gadgets put with ones McDonalds happy meal.

So Karl listen up, if you agree to place a Chanel classic cuff, strand of pop-it pearls or while leather Camilla in a Happy Meal, I am completely on board.

Max Factor Hits The Powder Dust

Max Factor cosmetics, a brand founded more than 100 years ago by a Polish-Jewish makeup artist for the Russian royal ballet, will no longer be sold in the United States. It’s going fast, so load up while supplies last.

Mac Factor was up until recently one of America’s best known, best made, cosmetics brand. Yeah well, looked what happened to GM and Chrysler, too.

Procter & Gamble, who has owned the brand since 1991, is dropping the glamorous Hollywood-associated Max Factor to focus its efforts elsewhere, primarily on its more successful Cover Girl brand. (P&G bought the brand in 1991 from Revlon for $1.5 billion.)

The brand will continue to be sold in other countries around the world, but will cease distribution to U.S. drugstores and Wal-Mart stores, where P&G has been concentrating its efforts. The brand is reportedly  sold in only an estimated 8,000 U.S. stores, compared to Cover Girl, which is sold in more than 50,000 stores.

I just don’t get it. How is it possible that P&G can’t sell a tube of mascara?

Max Factor (the founder of the company) coined the term "make-up," based on the verb "to make up" (one's face) and worked with the likes of Jean Harlow, Bette Davis, Joan Crawford and Judy Garland out of the Factor beauty salon near Hollywood Boulevard. The man and his company were behind a number of innovations including lip gloss in 1930, Pan-Cake Makeup, forerunner of all modern cake makeup’s in 1937, and the first "waterproof" makeup in 1971.

If I were Max Factor, I’d call up Adam Lambert’s people and broker a deal so fast that Cover Girl wouldn’t know what hit them. And it wouldn’t be a powder puff!

Courtesy of www.retaildesigndiva.com where it appeared on June 19, 2009

Max Factor cosmetics, a brand founded more than 100 years ago by a Polish-Jewish makeup artist for the Russian royal ballet, will no longer be sold in the United States. It’s going fast, so load up while supplies last.

Mac Factor was up until recently one of America’s best known, best made, cosmetics brand. Yeah well, looked what happened to GM and Chrysler, too.

Procter & Gamble, who has owned the brand since 1991, is dropping the glamorous Hollywood-associated Max Factor to focus its efforts elsewhere, primarily on its more successful Cover Girl brand. (P&G bought the brand in 1991 from Revlon for $1.5 billion.)

The brand will continue to be sold in other countries around the world, but will cease distribution to U.S. drugstores and Wal-Mart stores, where P&G has been concentrating its efforts. The brand is reportedly  sold in only an estimated 8,000 U.S. stores, compared to Cover Girl, which is sold in more than 50,000 stores.

I just don’t get it. How is it possible that P&G can’t sell a tube of mascara?

Max Factor (the founder of the company) coined the term "make-up," based on the verb "to make up" (one's face) and worked with the likes of Jean Harlow, Bette Davis, Joan Crawford and Judy Garland out of the Factor beauty salon near Hollywood Boulevard. The man and his company were behind a number of innovations including lip gloss in 1930, Pan-Cake Makeup, forerunner of all modern cake makeup’s in 1937, and the first "waterproof" makeup in 1971.

If I were Max Factor, I’d call up Adam Lambert’s people and broker a deal so fast that Cover Girl wouldn’t know what hit them. And it wouldn’t be a powder puff!

Courtesy of www.retaildesigndiva.com where it appeared on June 19, 2009

A New Kind Of Label

 

 

 

Usually when we talk about labels, we think of the eponymous fashion labels  of Chanel, Dior and Calvin Klein. Well, a lawsuit is erupting over a label of an all together different kind....read on for the drama!

Are you jacked up on you Starbucks Grande pike roast? If so, I must ask you to think about instant coffee. You know those magical coffee crystals. Ah, the wonders of science meet tap water.

Move over Betty Crocker, in 1986, model Russell Christoff posed for a Taster's Choice coffee photo shoot in Canada. No biggie, he thought. He gave permission for the photo to be used in Canada. Little did he know that Taster's Choice had other diabolical plans for the photo, and that his image would end up in I don’t know how many TV commercials, print ads and plastered on coffee cans in 21 countries, including the Latin regions where they darkened his pallid complexion and added macho sideburns so the Latino customers would better relate to his love for the delicious Taster's Choice brew. In-exofficio, Christoff wound up becoming the company’s trademark.

You see, it seems that the photo was tucked away into Taster's Choice archives after that first shoot in Canada, but was reintroduced in 1998, for wide release, when a Nestle employee was searching the archives for just the right "Taster" to portray the brand. Apparently, without consulting the model release, Nestle began using the image without Christoff's permission. After all, he was just a model, but Christoff looked like he really was digging the air brushed aroma waves emanating from the cup. It was money in the bank!

That being said, the issue ended up in court. Christoff initially won $15.6 million in damages (that’s a lot of coffee, almost as much as my companion Jimmy drinks each year),  but that claim was overturned as being “excessive,” and that it exceeded the two-year statute of limitations. Now, Christoff is back in court, arguing the verdict’s reversal should be reversed. It is a complicated legal matter, but one that could have been solved so simply, back when that employee found that image, by simply asking the model for a new release.

I’m sticking to tea.

Courtesy of www.retaildesigndiva.com where it appeared on June 17, 2009

Are You There Wal-Mart? It's Me, Miley

Holy Hannah Montana! “Pop-Ka-Ching.” That is the sound of a pop star running off with a boatload of cash from a Wal-Mart merchandising deal. (Why can’t I get a “deal?”)  Ideally, customers will believe that Ms. Cyrus has designed and presumably wears the clothing line that will don her name. You realize, of course, this is a teenager who can’t walk the red carpet in heels and chew gum at the same time. Oh my achy-breaky heart. Holy Hannah Montana! “Pop-Ka-Ching.”

That is the sound of a pop star running off with a boatload of cash from a Wal-Mart merchandising deal. (Why can’t I get a “deal?”)  Ideally, customers will believe that Ms. Cyrus has designed and presumably wears the clothing line that will don her name. You realize, of course, this is a teenager who can’t walk the red carpet in heels and chew gum at the same time. Oh my achy-breaky heart. Wal-Mart has teamed up with teen pop sensation Miley Cyrus and BIB designer, Max Azria (no comment necessary) for a new back-to-school fashion line, with most of the collection of knit tops, pants and graphic T-shirts selling for under $12. It’s unlikely that Cyrus will be wearing a $12 tee to the Grammy awards. By the way, Cyrus was home-schooled, I doubt she ever needed to worry about what to wear going “back–to-school.”

The Miley Cyrus and Max Azria clothing will be sold along with a CD Cyrus made exclusively for the retailer. Big Surprise! Wal-Mart is also the sole sponsor of the teen pop princess's upcoming U.S. and European tour. Big Surprise too! Cyrus promoted her new line with a performance at a Wal-Mart shareholders meeting at the Walton Arena in Fayetteville, Ark., on June 5. The collection will debut in stores in August.

I’m disgusted with celebrities that promote themselves as designers. Can you imagine Donna Karan doing Cabaret? Karl Lagerfeld on Broadway? Ralph Lauren releasing a “Best Of” album? Or Tommy Hilfiger mixing it up with Ludicrous? …Okay that I could imagine.

Courtesy of www.retaildesigndiva.com where it appeared on June 18, 2009

Holy Hannah Montana! “Pop-Ka-Ching.” That is the sound of a pop star running off with a boatload of cash from a Wal-Mart merchandising deal. (Why can’t I get a “deal?”)  Ideally, customers will believe that Ms. Cyrus has designed and presumably wears the clothing line that will don her name. You realize, of course, this is a teenager who can’t walk the red carpet in heels and chew gum at the same time. Oh my achy-breaky heart. Holy Hannah Montana! “Pop-Ka-Ching.”

That is the sound of a pop star running off with a boatload of cash from a Wal-Mart merchandising deal. (Why can’t I get a “deal?”)  Ideally, customers will believe that Ms. Cyrus has designed and presumably wears the clothing line that will don her name. You realize, of course, this is a teenager who can’t walk the red carpet in heels and chew gum at the same time. Oh my achy-breaky heart. Wal-Mart has teamed up with teen pop sensation Miley Cyrus and BIB designer, Max Azria (no comment necessary) for a new back-to-school fashion line, with most of the collection of knit tops, pants and graphic T-shirts selling for under $12. It’s unlikely that Cyrus will be wearing a $12 tee to the Grammy awards. By the way, Cyrus was home-schooled, I doubt she ever needed to worry about what to wear going “back–to-school.”

The Miley Cyrus and Max Azria clothing will be sold along with a CD Cyrus made exclusively for the retailer. Big Surprise! Wal-Mart is also the sole sponsor of the teen pop princess's upcoming U.S. and European tour. Big Surprise too! Cyrus promoted her new line with a performance at a Wal-Mart shareholders meeting at the Walton Arena in Fayetteville, Ark., on June 5. The collection will debut in stores in August.

I’m disgusted with celebrities that promote themselves as designers. Can you imagine Donna Karan doing Cabaret? Karl Lagerfeld on Broadway? Ralph Lauren releasing a “Best Of” album? Or Tommy Hilfiger mixing it up with Ludicrous? …Okay that I could imagine.

Courtesy of www.retaildesigndiva.com where it appeared on June 18, 2009

The All American Family In Prague

Recently when an image of Woody Allen from Annie Hall was used on anAmerican Apparel billboard without his permission, Allen sued, and eventually was awarded $5 million dollars in damages. Dov Charney pay attention, stay away from aging celebrities, your next billboard may be right under your nose.

The Smith family of Missouri innocently posted their family photo on their personal blog site, and even sent out the family snapshot as their Christmas card. Never in their wildest imagination did they ever think that this quintessential Middle American family would become the new face of the Czech Republic. Their Christmas card photo was splashed across a huge storefront advertisement specializing in European food…in Prague? Did they think lawsuit? No. The Smith family, a good-natured lot just shrugged it off. FYI: you couldn’t cast a more attractive family if you tried!

It’s a small world. Some smarty-pants in Eastern Europe figured that they’d never see it, but an old college friend of the Smiths reportedly saw the image while traveling, snapped a few pictures, and sent them back to the flabbergasted Smiths. Can you imagine you’re in the far away and romantic medieval city of Prague, and oh, look there’s my next-door neighbors, the Smith family…advertising spaetzel and borscht? What’s up? I didn’t dead about that in their Christmas newsletter?

The Smiths (Jeff & Danielle) took it in their stride, and said “the photo wasn't used in an unseemly manner; it was just used to tell potential shoppers about the store's delivery service”. The Smith family has gotten over 180,000 hits to their Website since they posted the story about the well-traveled snapshot. The Smith’s said next time they post a photo on the Internet; they’re going to lower the resolution, or add an electronic watermark to make it harder to reproduce.

The shop owner Mario Bertuccio says he got it "on the Internet" (as if it were free) and he now has plans to remove it, from his store called Grazie. He’s offered to send a letter of apology and a bottle of good European wine to the Smiths.

"This story doesn't frighten me, but the potential frightens me,"

said Mrs. Smith. If the manufactures of Mrs. Smith’s frozen cherry pies is listening, have I got a great idea for you!

Rate Your Mate

I don’t know if Cosmopolitan Magazine still has those “Rate Your Mate”, or “Is Your Spouse A Louse” quizzes, but there’s a new test that circulating on facebook that has garnered an awful lot of media attention.

Okay, I admit despite my recent blog on “Vampires in Dior” I have not yet had the opportunity to read the “Twilight” series by Stephenie Meyer, but I’m well aware of their cultural impact. So significant are the novels, and films (several of which are upcoming) that a generation of young women (and men) now look to lead vampire, Edward Cullen, (played to perfection by Robert Pattinson) as their role model, and their ideal mate. It’s a tall order to fulfill. It’s not easy to measure up to the fictional Edward Cullen, let alone the non-fictional Robert Pattinson. In principal, he (I) says quizzically, many of the attributes listed hark back to the days when men were gallant, i.e. a gentleman. The show attracts a devout following of cult like fans who have identified the top fifty attributes that they now look for in a typical “boyfriend”, fangs not required. Let’s see how I for instance might stack up.

1. Be inhumanly attractive. On my best day, I can only manage to be called okay for my age, which is 51. Drat the luck! The woman, who cut my hair last week, said I was cute, but I think she was fishing for a better tip.
2. Drive 200 MPH. I don’t even have a driver’s license, but do Vampires really need to be on the road? They can fly afterall, what's the point? Is breaking the speed law a turn on?
3. Save you from death. If I could, I definitely would! Consider it done!
4. Have an amazing body. I’ll never be voted People’s Sexiest Man Alive, but I still have the same 32” waist from high school, and I work out for all the good it does for me.
5. Be incredibly wealthy. Next.
6. Be too much of a gentleman. Ah, yeah, this is my site “The Bespoken For Gentleman”. I should get bonus points.
7. Have an elegant way of walking. That’s me all over. I walk with my hands behind my back like British royalty. My shoes click on the pavement. I think that’s sort of groovy.
8. Be inhumanly strong. I can’t stop a truck from colliding into you, but I can bench press about 150 lbs., and I don't sweat.
9. Have a crooked smile. Smiling is not my forte.
10. Have an extended and sophisticated vocabulary. Indubitably, I’m oft criticized for my pretentious manner of speech.
11. Be really smart. I’m a college professor. I should get bonus points; I’m in Sigma Kappa Delta (Academic and Business Excellence).
12. Good taste in music Yes, I can recognize Haydn from Berlioz, but does loving Barbra Streisand cancel all that out?
13. Smell extraordinarily nice. I wear a complicated cologne mélange based on my prevailing mood, and I even spritz my hair before I leave the house.
14. Suddenly appear out of nowhere and kiss you passionately. Like saving you from death, if I could, I definitely would, be prepared!
15. To tell you that you ARE beautiful, not that you look beautiful. Please, I use that jazzy old line all the time.
16. To be able to enter your room without anyone noticing. I’m practically invisible; in fact, I can talk to people for half an hour and they don’t even remember my name.
17. To be willing to sacrifice his life for yours. See #3.
18. Have eyes only for you, even if they are surrounded by attractive people. My most frequently used phrase whenever someone really hot strolls by my companion and I, is… “eyes forward!”
19. To be ale to read minds except for yours. Sorry, but I can read everyone’s mind, including yours.
20. Quote Romeo (Shakespeare). "O, that I were a glove upon that hand." ‘nuf said? That was a test, Juliet said that! You failed.
21. Stand in front of you in a protective way when you are in danger. Again, see # 3.True story, once coming home from a (Gilded Age) fashion show, we (my companion and I) were on this crowded subway car. I saw a few young punks (thugs) start to go after this older man, everyone in the car just ignored it. There were about four strapping youths, and the moment I saw them start to raise fist to face, I immediately stepped in. They didn't like it. You can imagine the melee. I couldn't have been more conspicious, a 51 year old skinny, white, homosexual coming home from a fashion show intervening with fist-a-cuffs? I de-esculated the provocation by reminding then that while they could beat me to a pulp, that I was going to get at least a few good blows in, and that they didn't have dental care at Rikers (prison) which is assuredly where the police would be carting them off to when they arrived. You don't want to know what I said to all the big burly straight guys in the car.
22. Give you his jacket when you are cold. Naturally, I wouldn’t have it any other way, in fact, I did it just the other day when the air-conditioning in the Lowes movie theater was cranked up too high and my companion was chilly.
23. To stay young, gorgeous and sexy forever. I do my best, but I only have so much to work with.
24. Have morals. I really do my best. I’m practically a moral compass.
25. Love you for what you are inside, not for how you look. See # 15.
26. Be charming. That’s me all over! Does flirting count as charm?
27. Be jealous of your friends. On occasion, when it’s called upon, I can furnish the requisite amount of jealousy, and even a little bit of envy.
28. Sparkle in the sunlight. Well, I wouldn’t say I sparkle, but I do burn and peel.
29. Write you a song. Does serenade you count? I sing in the key of E-flat natural. How about a personally mixed CD?
30. Wait for the ideal person to come along. In my entire life, I’ve only had two relationships, with two perfectly perfect people.
31. Be a virgin. Well, I practically am. To quote Mae West, “I’m pure as the driven snow; I just drifted a little bit”.
32. Whisper nice things in your ear. Oh, please, I am so into ears! Not only will I whisper in your ear, but I’ll kiss them until you have shivers running down your spine.
33. Be able to make you beautiful and immortal. I can, if you count making someone beautiful and immortalized in writing. And after all, does anyone really want to be 21 forever?
34. Tell you that the outside world holds no interest for him without you. It’s true, without you, the world would be too morose too even contemplate.

35. Be comprehensive. I know everything about everything. I’m practically Encyclopedia Brown; I’d be the perfect “phone a friend” on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
36. Have a nice family. Hmmm, let me think about that one.
37. Play the piano. I can pick out the opening notes to “People” and “By The Sea”, but I’ll learn a concerto if need be.
38. Kiss you in the middle of a fight. Kissing during a fight is totally hot, and disarming, but as we all know, a real gentleman never raises his voice to begin with. Is this another trick question?
39. Always pay everything. Who else would? At least I'll offer.
40. Hug you behind your back. I could do that, I’ll envelope you like the ever-constant moon.
41. Have been pretty much single since 1901. Sorry, I am “bespoken for”.
42. Hold your face while he kisses you. I love to direct a kiss; it’s masculine, and sexy. I also like having my face held…equal rights!
43. Doesn't sleep at night, stays by your side taking care of you. Furnished upon request, otherwise without my eight hours, I do tend to get a bit crabby.
44. Speaks no lies. I’m pathologically honest. Is that an oxymoron?
45. Have a good taste in clothes. Hello! I write a fashion blog.
46. Have beautiful and expressive eyes. My eyes are a deep green with brown flecks. Get ready to be hypnotized.
47. Own amazing cars. See # 2. I used to play with "Hot Wheels" as a kid.
48. Be able to carry you with no effort. Well, truth be told, if there was no effort required, why bother to be impressed?
49. Tell you that you are the closest to heaven that he will ever get. If you are, I will tell you. Besides you aren’t the closest thing to heaven, you are heaven!
50. Be willing to spend eternity by your side. I’m like a swan, I mate for life.

I may never make for a great vampire, but I think me more than make up for it by being a real gentleman. Bring it on Edward Cullen.

PS: "Don't be such a scaredy cat! It's safe to come in, I don't bite! That is of course unless you like that sort of thing." Audrey Hepburn to Cary Grant in Charade.

Not Only God Can Make A Tree

The Fashion District is full of stories. As a writer, I tend to write only about people, places and things I love. Well this is about one of my favorite companies, M & S Schmalberg. I just adore the company, and I’m very fond of its owners. At the risk of being accused of receiving a kick back, let me assure you that nothing has exchanged hands, except kindness. If you associate flowers with Valentine’s Day, then consider this a kind of early valentine.

The year was 1919. The burgeoning Garment District in New York City was thriving! I mean as in full throttle. Schemata’s were being thrown here and there. They say that necessity is the mother of invention, if so, an enterprising immigrant set up shop making fabric flowers for the trade. He did so with the craft and charm of “old world” style, to meet the demand of the fickled fashion industry who wanted pretty looking flowers to adorn dresses and millinery. Well, only God can make a tree, but flowers are another matter entirely.

Over the subsequent years, as the business became more successful, he invited family and friends over from Europe to experience the new world, and the American dream, including a young holocaust survivor, a malnourished orphan who survived the death camps. It was thanks to an American GI who contacted his relatives, who happened to work in the Garment District, and informed them of teenager’s precarious plight. Post World War II, survivors seldom had family, or homes to return to. In fact, whole towns were obliterated. Europe was financially devastated, and survivors were evacuated harem-scarem creating another kind of Diaspora.

Historical note: one in every eight Americans living today can trace an ancestor back to where? That’s right, the Garment District in New York City, which once employed the vast majority of immigrants coming to America. Also interesting to note that one in every three Jews in America can trace their lineage back to the Garment District, which was one of the few safe employment refuges from anti-Semitism, which was rampant in the earlier part of the last century.

The teenager not only survived, but thrived in his new country, and eventually succeeded the owner in this family run business, aka, M & S Schmalberg. He eventually married, and had two children, Warren and Deborah, who now run the business (now a third generation family business, wow!) Flower children, Warren and Deborah, speak of their father with a sense of hushed wonder, but the story of his life does not have a typical happy ending. Years later in the company’s offices, the elder Brand was shot in the spine by an employee whom he had just advised to take an inter-office dispute outside. Can you imagine the perverse irony surviving the Nazi’s, and the Holocaust, only to be shot in the back trying to quell a fight in a flower factory? “When people complain about this and that, I think, God raised our dad as an example of what a human can stand.” states Warren Brand. The elder Brand has lived in chronic pain ever since.

Joan Baez lamented way back in the 1960’s “where have all the flowers gone…” in truth, it wasn’t young girls who picked them all. In the Garment District’s hey day there were slews of competitors, but today with jobs going overseas, there are only about nine other companies left in the entire United States that design fabric flowers. When a competitor goes out of business, Brand tries to buy their equipment, primarily to avoid having new companies use it to start up. If you're not clued in, please note, the Asian market is keen on buying up American molds and machinery for the expanding Eastern marketplace.“There’s not a biased bone in my body, but I don’t want any company to open, work around-the-clock, and put us out of business. If we use 10 percent of what we have, that’s a lot.” As a result, the M & S Schmalberg factory have one of the most extensive collections of antique flower molds in the world. I take that back, it’s not one of; it is the most extensive collections in the world today. It should be in the Museum of the City of New York. As such, M & S Schmalberg can produce nearly every floral species in Audubon’s collected botanical prints. Regrettably, old word craftsmanship is not sufficient to keep a business aloft. Economics in the Garment District also factor heavily into the equation, what it costs just to remove the garbage today is greater than what the entire factory’s rent was just a few years ago. The Garment District is being muscled out by co-op developments and the need for mid-town office space. Manufactures can’t compete, the playing field isn’t level. The City Administrators, are not receptive to “grandfathering” in companies that have a significant history in the area, there are no rent controls, or rent stabilization for companies in the Garment District. Shame on New York City! You are selling our history to China.

Now please note that M & S Schmalberg does not (repeat…does not) produce the cookie cutter silk flowers you’re liable to see in the local .99 cent store. M & S Schmalberg flowers are works of art, they're crafted by hand, as such; M & S Schmalberg has complimented the apparel, millinery, bridal industries, as well as home decor, theatrical set, and costume designers, party planners and display artists for years. In fact, if you’ve ever seen a celebrity donning a beautiful fabricated flower, it probably was by M & S Schmalberg. Are you known by the company you keep? M & S Schmalberg produce flowers for Marchesa, Saks, Chanel, J. Crew, Alexis Bittar, Iassac Mizrahi, Betsy Johnson, Bill Blass, Byron Lars, Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren, Marc Jacobs, Tahari, Cynthia Rowley, Carmen Marc Volvo, Carolina Herrera, Rebecca Taylor, Badley Mischka, Real Simple Magazine and have been spotted on every other Disney costume, etc…etc…, but demand is waning, due to the over production in China flooding the unregulated American market, so M & S Schmalberg welcomes all orders, corporate, or individual. So run, do not walk to their doors. Despite their roster of clients, let it not go unsaid that there is notoriously appalling greed in corporate America. Many fashion manufacturers refuse to pay fairly (market price) even though they often have massive mark-ups themselves. They threaten to have China make them for a fraction of the price, aka industrial blackmail.Chinese made flowers can cost as litle as .32 cents. But sometimes you get what you pay for.” We might charge a few dollars for a flower that retails for hundreds of dollars,” Debbie Brand said. “And they will still say, ‘You gotta do better.’” Deborah, give me their names and I’ll make minced meat out of them!

 

In these days of calamity and strife, I’m all for flower power, so for a real treat, you can even bring in your own fabric; silk, denim, leather, and wool. I mean anything! M & S Schmalberg can create anything you can imagine, from a petal to a gorgeous cascade of flowers and leaves. Just bring in, or send ¼-yard minimum from your selvage to make a matching flower, petal or leaf. A flower or cluster of flowers can be made using 1 yard of fabric, or a combination of fabrics. Is your imagine working already?

The tour of their factory is infinitely fascinating. It’s even more fun than the M & M factory tour is in Hershey, PA. What you’ll see are over 10,000 varieties of fabric flowers, one more beautiful than the other. There are rows of floral assembly stations where Latino women mold and fold the fabric softlty turning back each petal with their delicate hands. In the back, Big Alex, a 20-year veteran of the shop, is on the massive iron called “click machine,” and "Muza", a Muslim with a skullcap, is drying out sheets of silky material on what appears to be bronze-age equipment. FYI: It’s a Union shop. That’s right it can be done! There are library shelves of copper and brass molds of every description. Then you’ll pass vats of dye and rolls of organdy in saturated peach and teal, in colors that havn't been seen sine Faberge made eggs. M & S Schmalberg is the kind of a place where you go in for one thing, and come out with a dozen of other things that your heart knows is just meant for you! Warren and Deborah Brand are gracious hosts, and are known for outreach to the fashion schools in and around New York City, where they are eager to introduce their artistry to a new generation.

Please visit their website, where you can shop on line at www.customfabricflowers.com or call the Brands at (212) 244-2090, or visit them at 242 West 36th Street, 7th Floor New York, NY 10018 (appointment not necessary) or email them at customfabricflowers@verizon.net

When Men Wore Hats

My grandfather wore a hat. He always wore a hat. That was in a bygone era when every man wore a hat. My grandfather like most men of his generation would not contemplate going to a christening or wake without his hat. Wearing a hat was once as perfunctory as wearing underwear.

When my grandfather passed away there was very little of his, I wanted. It felt odd to root through his things. I felt like I was stealing. After some ambivalence was resolved, I selected a hat, a warm brown fedora with a black grograin band. The band is adorned with a knight on a steed. It's an Adam hat,  MCMXI (1911) , size 7 1/8 Premier Quality with (C) Aqua Shed, treated for water repellancy. He wore it often. The hat is pressed beaver, it is as soft as eider, or peaches before the geneticists bred off their fuzz.

I do not wear his hat. My grandfather’s head is three sizes smaller than mine is which seems impossible because I remember him as a tall and muscular man, larger than life allows. As a child, this is the way he appeared to me. When I was born, my grandfather was not quite sixty. When he passed away, he was not quite ninety. The grey fedora was worn over those thirty years. It was likely twenty years older than that. My grandfather was a practical man with a Protestant work ethic, things were meant to last, and he kept it in a cork block, and it never showed a trace of age, as do men. His fedora did not really ever go out of style, although it may not have always been fashionable. Still, I could easily imagine some smart rap artist in a video, or fashion spread in Vibe wearing it today.

Hattitude: the hat completes the silhouette. It gives the illusion of height and stature. It frames the face and emphasizes the eyes. The hat was a part of the dressing-up routine, like apply perfume or cologne is today. Hats went out of fashion by and large during the turbulent 1960’s when hair length and hairstyles became a form of social and political expression.

Hatticute: I love old movies, and my eyes sometimes linger on the crowd scenes where every man, wealthy or poor, is wearing a hat, every woman too. It is quaint. It is almost hard to imagine that society was ordered in that way. Wearing a hat was as commonly prescribed like sedatives are today. I find it fascinating that gentleman in old time movies courtly remove their hat whenever a lady comes into a room, back in the days when women were ladies, like it or not.

Hatology: my grandfather’s hat was the physical manifestation of his essence, grey, neutral, simple, classic, uncomplicated, ordinary, straight-forward and non-descript. When I hold his hat in my hand, I think of the head that it once held. I almost feel the weight of his head. I revel in the smell of his Old Spice and Bay Rum Tonic on the leather band. I almost see the soft tepid brown of his eyes wondering who I am.